Whether or not people will find you likable, completely depends on how well you are connecting with them. Meeting people is the first step in the process of forming this connection.
It is essential to make the right impression during the first few seconds of a meeting
You need to show how sincere, safe, and trustworthy. The process of greeting consists of five parts: Open, Eye, Beam, Hi!, Lean.
The first part is to open your attitude and body language
This is the time to really feel and be aware of it. Try as much as possible to make sure your attitude is positive, and keep your heart aimed directly at the person.
The second part of the greeting involves making eye contact
Be the first person to make eye contact. Let your eyes reflect your positive attitude.
The next step of the greeting process is to beam
Be the first to smile, and make sure your smile reflects your attitude. Now you've gained the other person's attention. What that person's subconscious mind is picking up is an impression of someone who is completely sincere.
After giving a bright and warm smile, the next step is to say Hi!
Make sure you attach your own name to it. For instance, “Hi! I'm *your name*.” With a smile and eye contact, be the first to identify yourself. This is the point where you are in a position to gather lots of free information about the person which you can put to good use later in the conversation.
Extend your hand to the other person, and find a way to say the person's name two or three times to help fix it in your memory.
The final part of introducing yourself is the “lean”
This action can be an almost unnoticeable forward tilt to very subtly indicate your interest and openness.
Point your heart at the other person, say hello, say your name and light up your eyes, and smile.
After introducing yourself the next step is to build rapport.
When you have nothing in common with the person you are trying to connect with, the only way to create that missing common ground is by deliberately altering your behavior. You become an adapter, just long enough to establish a connection.
Anything that increases the common ground and reduces the distance between you and them is a good thing.
When trying to be in sync with someone else, your main task is to do exactly what the other person does; Synchronizing the other person's attitude involves picking up on their feelings and mirroring them back to them.
This will give off the illusion that you deeply relate to them. Once you get in sync with the other person, they start to think, I don't know what it is about this person, but there's something I really like!
You may be thinking, “But won't other people notice that I'm copying their behavior?” Actually, they won't, unless the copying is blatant. The key here is to make your movements subtle and respectful.
In a nutshell, you feel a natural connection with the person. Get it right, and the communication can begin. Get it wrong, and you'll have to beg for attention.
The next step is to start a conversation.
Having a good conversation is not all talk — it's listening, too
Once you find out what you have in common with the other person, you can start asking open-ended questions to fuel the conversation. These types of questions start with one of six conversation-generating words: Who? When? What? Why? Where? How?
These words invite an explanation, an opinion, or a feeling. Closed questions will close off your chances of rapport-building.
Try as much as possible to avoid closed questions such as: Are you? Do you? Have you? in your conversations. The problem with these types of questions is that they elicit a “yes” or “no” response.
Active listening is the other side of rapport building
As a good active listener, you must demonstrate that you're truly interested in the other person. The key to being an active listener lies in making a sincere effort to absorb what that person is saying and feeling.
Encourage the other person verbally by giving spoken feedback such as “Wow,” “Oh” and “Hm.”
Give physical feedback by using open and encouraging body language. For example, Nod in agreement and make plenty of eye contact, but don't stare.
Know what you want and adopt the best attitude to help you get it
There are two different types of attitudes humans can exhibit, which is either a Really Useful Attitude or a Really Useless Attitude
When you meet someone for the first time, you can give off a Really Useless Attitude such as anger, impatience, conceit, or boredom. Conversely, your attitude can be Really Useful; you can be curious, enthusiastic, inquiring, helpful, or engaging.
The quality of your attitude determines the quality of your relationships, and just about everything else in your life. A Really Useful Attitude determines whether or not people will find you likable - and it works like a charm.
Ask yourself, ‘What do I want, right now, at this moment? And which attitude will serve me best?’
Useless attitudes tend to come from people who don't know what they want. You should always know what you want and decide on the best attitude you need to get it.
Now that you know it, your body language, voice, and words will automatically change to help you achieve your goal.
Your posture, movements, and expression will speak volumes about you before you even open your mouth.
This episode was inspired by How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less by Nicholas Boothman
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